Musings
by anna2
Summary: After an eventful day, Rory and Jess spend the evening having a heart to heart.


Title: Musings  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own the Gilmore Girls, other people do. This story is for not for profit and I will make no money from it.  
  
Distribution: This site. All others, please ask first  
  
Summary: After an eventful day, Rory and Jess spend the evening talking.  
  
Feedback: Yes please. Click the box below or email Abrewer@flagler.edu  
  
Author's Notes: This just sort of jumped into my head and refused to leave until I wrote it down. It's kind of a mix of the reality of the Gilmore Girls and an alternative universe.  
  
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With an exhausted groan, Rory collapsed on the couch next to Jess. "Tell me again why I told Sookie to go home, that I could handle the rest of the clean-up."  
  
"Because you've had a long, emotional, coffee-deprived day and you're not in your right mind." Jess was just as exhausted as his girlfriend was. When Sookie had left, the interior of the house had still resembled a wedding war zone. It had taken almost three hours of hard labor to clear up the worst of it.  
  
"That sounds about right. I still can't believe we ran out of coffee. I thought Mom was going to pass out."  
  
"That was the hardest I've ever seen Luke laugh. Your mother, the coffee queen, didn't stock enough for her own wedding reception. Talk about irony."  
  
"But on the plus side, you're on her permanent 'good' list for fetching more from the diner." Rory closed her eyes and let out an enormous yawn. "God I'm tired."  
  
"You look tired." Jess started rubbing her shoulders and was rewarded with a contented sigh.  
  
"That feels so good." Rory was rapidly going limp, relaxing back into Jess's arms. "Just what I needed." Jess pressed a kiss to her temple and resumed his ministrations.  
  
"Can I ask you something?"  
  
"Sure. But I can't guarantee a coherent response." Rory was massively comfortable, cuddled as she was against her boyfriend and getting sleepier by the moment.  
  
"How long have Luke and Lorelai known each other?"  
  
"Lemme think. Maybe 12 or 13 years. I was four when he opened the diner- so yeah, at least 13 years. Why?"  
  
"I don't know. He been nuts for her since I moved here, I guess I was just curious as to how long it had been going on." At this point, both occupants of the couch were stretched out full length against each other with no intentions of moving any time in the near future.  
  
"I remember the day they met. I was four years old and the diner had only been open for a couple of weeks. Mom got promoted at work and we decided to celebrate by getting a piece of pie. It was the first time I'd been in a restaurant that wasn't the dinning room at the Inn."  
  
"You didn't go to a restaurant until you were four?"  
  
"Teen mom, remember? Mom worked full-time as a maid at the Inn and we were living in a shed behind it. Money was tight. I had a lot of ear infection when I was little. Doctor bills and antibiotics add up real quick, even with insurance. And every extra cent was going into savings so she could buy a house for us."  
  
"Didn't your grandparents help? I mean, even if they were mad at Lorelai, they didn't have anything against you."  
  
"Mom left Hartford because she didn't want to be dependant on them. She'd spent her whole life feeling like she was never good enough for them the way she was. Like, that in order for them to love her, she had to change. And she didn't want me growing up in that environment. Taking money from them would have meant giving them control over our lives. Over my life. She couldn't stand the idea of that. She never asked them for anything after we moved out, until I started Chilton. They pay my tuition there."  
  
"That's when you started in with the weekly dinners?"  
  
"Yeah. Before that, we only saw them about four times a year: Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter and my birthday. I remember how uncomfortable those get-togethers were. No one ever took it out on me but they were very mad at Mom for getting pregnant, not getting married and daring to remove herself from their control. So she hardened herself against them, to protect herself. After awhile, it was the only way they knew how to be with each other. It's better now though."  
  
"That must have sucked. And you were caught in the middle."  
  
"Actually I wasn't. Grandma and Grandpa always doted on me and Mom let them. Whenever I asked her about it, she just said it wasn't her place to deprive me of grandparents. And after meeting my dad's parents I'm really grateful for mom's."  
  
"What are they like?"  
  
"Complete and utter jerks. I met them once, when I was 16. They were snobby and rude and insinuate that my mom was a whore. That was when Mom sent me to the kitchen, so that I wouldn't hear them. Grandma came in later and reassured me that the fighting wasn't about me but it was." The Haydens never forgave Mom for getting pregnant with me and ruining their precious son's life. Grandpa finally threw them out and I've never seen them again. I don't want to. That one time meeting was more than enough. I'll probably have to though. Dad let it slip that they're overjoyed about Sherry's baby and I'm probably going to run into them when I visit." All the stress and tension leapt right back into her muscles and Jess was quick to change the subject to something less stressful.  
  
"So how did the Gilmore girls meet my crabby uncle anyway?"  
  
"Watch your mouth. That's my wonderful step-dad you're calling crabby."  
  
"Sorry, sorry. So how did Lorelai and Luke cross paths?"  
  
"It was a couple of weeks after he opened the diner. Mom had been made head housekeeper at the Inn, so she decided we could splurge and get a piece of pie to celebrate. As soon as we walked in, I smelled the coffee and headed for the counter. I knew my mother loved it and we'd been talking about Mother's day at my nursery school, so I decided my present to her would be some coffee."  
  
"A cup of coffee?" Jess willed himself not to laugh. Rory would kill him if he so much as smiled.  
  
"I was four!" Rory rose up on one elbow and flipped herself over so that she was facing Jess. "My mom was my hero and I knew she loved the stuff. So as soon as she let go of my hand I ran over to the counter, climbed up on one of the stools and asked Luke for a cup of coffee."  
  
"Let me guess: he said no?"  
  
"Pretty much. He stared at me for a minute and said I could have milk."  
  
"I'm betting that didn't go over too well."  
  
"I put my money down on the counter, a whole .47 and said that I wanted as much coffee as this much money would buy. He said no again, told me kids couldn't have coffee and to go find my mom."  
  
"Where was Lorelai?"  
  
"Trying to find me. The place was packed and I was little. It took her a few minutes. It wasn't until she heard me crying that she found me at the counter."  
  
"Luke made you cry?" This was getting better and better. He was going to have so much fun when Luke got back.  
  
Rory saw the look on Jess's face and didn't like it. "Don't tease him. Mom chewed him out so badly that for the next two years he never said a word when she ordered coffee for both of us."  
  
"You've been drinking coffee since you were four? There's something- something interesting about that."  
  
"Meaning weird." Rory sat up in a huff. "I'm going to go change."  
  
"Aw come on. I didn't mean it like that. Don't get all mad at me." Rory was already in her room and didn't bother to respond. Jess gave it about a minute and went after her.  
  
"Whoa!!!"  
  
"Jess!" Rory whirled around, arms over her chest. "It's called knocking! Out!"  
  
Jess obligingly left the room, too preoccupied with the image burned into his brain of Rory in nothing but pajama pants, to argue. In fact, he was enjoying the mental picture so much that it was nearly 15 minutes before he realized that Rory hadn't come back out of her room.  
  
This time he knocked first. "Come on Rory, let me in."  
  
"No! Go away."  
  
"Come on. It's no big deal, I didn't even see anything." No reply. "Come on, open the door."  
  
"I said go away! Go home!"  
  
"This will be my home very soon. That's what that new room on the porch is for. Now open the door or I'll tell Dean I saw you topless." He thought about it for a minute and decided to tell Dean anyway. The look on the bag boy's face would more than cancel out the pounding he'd get.  
  
The door flew open. "Don't you dare!" Then again, Dean's face wasn't worth the trouble he'd be in with Rory. "You are never to mention this incident again, to anybody! You talk, I kill. Are we clear?"  
  
"Crystal." He held up a piece of the wedding cake. "Peace offering?"  
  
"God no. I already ate four slices of that stuff." Just one look at the cake triggered nausea in Rory, but nothing bad enough to make her miss the disappointed look on Jess's face. "But I guess now we're even."  
  
"What do you mean? How are we even?"  
  
Rory decided that the kitchen was too small for this conversation and started edging towards the living room. "Nothing. Forget I said it."  
  
"It's something. I recognize that look on your face." Jess was just a little nervous. Something was up. "Come back here!" In the split second of distraction, Rory had mad her escape. Jess dashed after her, grabbing her around the waist and knocking them both off balance. They landed in a heap on the sofa, flushed and panting slightly. "Talk. Now."  
  
"Okay, okay. A couple of weeks I kind of got a glimpse of you in your boxers."  
  
"What?" An evil idea was forming in Jess's head.  
  
"A couple of weeks ago, I went upstairs to get you because we were late for the movie and the door was cracked open and I just saw you. Sorry."  
  
"You have to be kidding me."  
  
"No joke."  
  
"No, I mean this is definitely a joke because I don't wear boxer shorts."  
  
Rory felt a Very Bad Thought enter her brain. "What?"  
  
"It wasn't me you saw."  
  
"Oh God. Oh God! Ewwwwwwwwww! You mean- Oh my God!" Rory jumped up from the couch and started pacing around the room. "I have to gouge out my eyes. This is bad, this is so bad!"  
  
"Rory."  
  
"What?"  
  
"That was a joke. You saw me and no one else. There's no need to gouge out your eyes."  
  
Rory stood stock still for a moment, contemplating what Jess had just said. "Oh! You- you little-" Abandoning the effort of coherent speech she instead leapt on her boyfriend and started tickling him. "You're going to pay for that!"  
  
The tickle war continued for a few more minutes before the combatants ran out of steam. "What time is it?"  
  
"Almost nine. I should probably head home soon."  
  
"You just want to enjoy having that apartment to yourself for awhile, before you have to move in here."  
  
"No, actually I want to go back because my bed is still there and as comfortable as this couch is now, it won't feel that great when I'm trying to sleep on it."  
  
"Stay just a little while longer." The momentary second wind was fading and Rory felt herself getting tired again.  
  
"Sure." They rearranged themselves on the sofa so that they were lying facing each other once more, each content to be with the other for as long as they could.  
  
"Jess?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"What are you going to do? I mean, will you stay in Stars Hollow when you don't have to?"  
  
Jess was silent for a moment. This was the question he'd been asking himself for awhile now. "I don't know. A lot of the time I don't like it here. I want to be back in New York. I'm always going to be an outsider here, the person the others eye suspiciously. I hate that feeling, that feeling of never fitting in. But at the same time I like it here. I like being able to go for a walk at 3 am and not worry about muggers. I like that while the community is very insular, they also support each other. I heard about what happened the first time Dean broke up with you. You'd never get that in New York. You know people here when you walk down the street or into the market. You aren't just a face in the crowd." He fell silent again. "What about you? Are you going to come back here after you get that Harvard degree?"  
  
"Stars Hollow will always be my home. No matter where I go or what I do, it'll always be a part of me. Even if I don't live here again until I'm wrinkled and gray. This place is like my safety net, you know? I can always come back here. And it kind of makes sense since it was Mom's safety net when we left Hartford."  
  
"You were born in Hartford?"  
  
"Yeah. We came here when I was three weeks old. After Mom brought me home from the hospital, she found out that my grandparents had not only put my nursery on the other side of the house, they'd already hired a nanny to look after me. Mom was furious. She thought they were trying to raise me for her, keep her involvement with me to a minimum. Of course, I know now that they were doing the best they could to make sure she could stay in school and still make something of her life. And I think now she knows it too. As soon as Mom felt well enough to travel, she packed our stuff and took off."  
  
"How'd she pick Stars Hollow?"  
  
"This is where the car broke down."  
  
"You've got to be kidding me. That's why you guys ended up here, because this is where the car broke down?"  
  
"Right in front of Doose's market. Taylor called tow-truck and directed Mom to the Independence Inn. Our lives just kind of went from there. Mia gave Mom a job, the car turned out to be completely dead and that was that. We weren't leaving."  
  
"Wow."  
  
"Yeah. It was really hard for Mom. She had a newborn to take care of, no parenting experience, no money, a new job and no support from her family. Grandma and Grandpa were really mad. And she was only 16. Mia said Mom was the strongest kid she ever met. She worked all day, taking care of me at the same time and studied for her GED at night. For the first three months or so I practically lived in the snugli carrier. That's where her coffee addiction comes from. I had really bad colic and she wasn't getting much sleep because of it."  
  
"So the South American coffee trade is all thanks you having colic as infant?"  
  
"Laugh all you want but it's true."  
  
"I believe you."  
  
Rory yawned again. It had been a very long day. It had been a long week. "When I get married, I'm eloping. Planning a wedding is too much work."  
  
"It wasn't that bad. And Luke and I helped."  
  
"You and Luke picked up the tuxes and arranged for the limousine. Don't talk to me about 'not that hard'. And I had the job of getting my mother ready this morning. Two times I had to talk her out of bolting. And four times I had to convince her not to start snacking on the cake. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to keep my mother out of junk food?"  
  
"All right, all right, you win. You had the hard job. You have earned the right to elope. All I had to do was not lose the ring."  
  
"Luke is never going to forgive you for that."  
  
"What? It was just a joke."  
  
"That you played two minutes before the procession started. I thought his head was going to explode. I've never seen a person turn that shade of purple before."  
  
"What about Paris?"  
  
"Okay, a person other than Paris." Another yawn.  
  
"That's my cue. I really should head home now."  
  
"No." Rory grabbed Jess's hand. "Stay here."  
  
"Rory, I'm tired too. I gotta get back so I can get some sleep."  
  
"Sleep here."  
  
"I don't think so. This couch is about four inches smaller than I am."  
  
Rory took a deep breath. "My bed's big enough for both of us."  
  
Jess could only stare at her. There was no way he'd just heard her correctly. "What?"  
  
Rory blushed, despite her attempt not to. "I mean, platonically. No funny business. I just- I just don't want to be alone tonight. Most of your clothes are already here so that's not a big deal and we have extra toothbrushes. Please Jess?" Rory gave him such a pleading look that he had to cave.  
  
"We'll get killed if we get caught."  
  
"No we won't. I told Mom this morning that I might ask you stay."  
  
"And what did she say to that?"  
  
Rory blushed again. "She turned kind of green and muttered something about condoms, history not repeating itself and how she's going to have to police her own home when they get back. I decided not to press it."  
  
"Good choice."  
  
"I thought so. Are you going to stay or not?"  
  
"All right, I'll stay. But you'd better not snore."  
  
"Nope, no snoring. I promise."  
  
Ten minutes later, Jess had to admit that staying here was the better option. He and Rory were curled up quite comfortably together in her bed. Neither spoke for a long time, content instead to simply enjoy the company of the other.  
  
"Why didn't you want to stay here by yourself tonight? You've stayed here alone before."  
  
"I don't know." She did but she didn't want to say. In retrospect, the reason was rather embarrassing.  
  
"Rory, I think you do. If you don't want to tell me, that fine but whatever it is it's obviously bothering you."  
  
"It's just- it's just that everything is changing. One minute my life is simple and predictable, and the next everything changed. Life is no longer Chilton, Harvard application, dinner in Hartford on Friday's and coffee at Luke's. It's like I don't have control anymore."  
  
"It's no longer just you and your mom." Jess was a great deal more perceptive than people gave him credit for. "The biggest constant in your life isn't anymore."  
  
"You're too smart." But he was right. Rory knew Jess would get it without her having to say it. "I'm so happy for Mom and Luke that it's not funny. It's great that they *finally* figured out they have feelings for each other, and even better that acted on it. God knows they both deserve it. But it's still massively unsettling. Nothing can ever go back to the way it was before. And it's not just the wedding that's unsettling me. I'm done with Chilton. I'm leaving Stars Hollow in less than three months, for good. Vacations from school won't be the same as living here. I feel like my whole world had been turned upside down and there's nothing I can do stop it or even just slow it down." Rory felt tears sliding down her cheeks and swiped at them impatiently.  
  
"Hey, it's okay. Cry if you want to. Stress can do that to a person."  
  
"But I shouldn't be stressed. I'm going to Yale in the fall, for which I turned down Harvard to attend. I have a boyfriend I adore beyond all reason. I was co-valedictorian of my class. My mom is happily married to a great guy. Everything I've hope for is coming true and sliding into place. So why am I all upset?"  
  
"I don't know. Because achieving all those things were stressful in themselves. Because now you're faced with setting new goals. Because growing up is scary and stressful and no in their right mind would do it voluntarily. Take your pick. But I do know that it is okay to be scared about it. To even resent it at times. All the things you just named are wonderful but they all have drawbacks. Choosing Yale over Harvard was hard because you had to tell your mom about it, which let to worry that it would drive a wedge between her and your grandparents. Becoming valedictorian was hard because of all the study time you had to put in, plus having to deal with Paris at the same time. You're happy for Lorelai and Luke but you know that their getting marriage changed the whole dynamic of your family. Going to Yale will be wonderful but it means leaving Stars Hollow behind. And you left out whole 'dad got married and had another kid, but not in that order, after telling me that he and my mother were back together and staying that way' thing. Which I'm willing to bet is what is bugging you the most?"  
  
"What makes you think that?" There went that perceptive thing again.  
  
"The fact that the family photo of your dad, your sister and her mother had be artfully colored on to only show the baby."  
  
"I knew I should have hidden that thing from you." Jess had hit the nail on the head. "Fine, yes, it bugs me that he's willing to be her dad but not mine. Georgia is going to have a home with two parents, who are there all the time and share the responsibility. I love my mom so much it's not funny. She did the best job in the world of raising me and I could not ask for a better parent. But it was hard. It was hard on me and it was worse on her. Sherry won't have to explain to Georgia why she's only seen her daddy a couple of times or why he doesn't call very much or why the other kids have daddies that are always around. She won't have to face her parents as an unwed, teenage mother. Even if Chris hadn't asked her to marry him, he'd still be around for Georgia the way he never was with me."  
  
"Chris?"  
  
"I can't call him 'Dad' anymore. I just can't. Luke will get that title from me before Chris does." Rory was in full rant mode and sobbing at the same time. Jess was a little worried. He'd never seen Rory lose it like this. He knew her dad was no prize but until now she'd always defended him.  
  
"Rory what brought this on?"  
  
She was silent for a long moment, unwilling to answer. Jess just looked at her steadily. Finally she sat up and started fishing through her desk, coming up with a pale pink card. Silently she handed it over.  
  
It was a birth announcement from Straub and Francine Hayden, celebrating the birth of their first grandchild, Georgia Elizabeth Hayden.  
  
"They sent this to you?!"  
  
Rory hung her head. "To Mom. I opened it accidentally when I was going through the mail a couple of weeks ago. I couldn't- I mean I- how was I suppose to show it to her?"  
  
"Those jerks." Jess put his arms around Rory and held her close, rocking her while she cried. "They're absolute jerks. Worse than Taylor."  
  
"That's being really unfair to Taylor. He'd never pull something this mean." Rory couldn't even summon up a smile.  
  
"No, you're right. This is probably the nastiest thing I've ever heard of someone doing. And I'm surprised you haven't put a hit out on them. Did you tell your dad?"  
  
"When I called last week. He sounded kind of sad but just said they were old and some stuff had to be overlooked. That was kind of the last straw for me. I didn't tell Mom about any of it because of the wedding and everything. It would have caused her too much stress and might have gotten her arrested."  
  
"On homicide charges probably."  
  
"Definitely. She'd have killed them, and probably Dad was reacting that way. Or not reacting. So that's why I got all flipped out tonight. With the wedding over, I didn't have anything else sucking up my energy and all those thoughts came crashing back and I didn't want to be alone when they did. How am I supposed to handle all this? It's just too much and I don't want to." Her last statement made Rory sound like a child, a very young child.  
  
"I don't know. Rory I understand somewhat about the dad thing. I've never even met mine. Liz never talked about him when I was growing up. He didn't exist in our house, except in my mind. I used to fantasize about him, especially when I was mad at her. He was perfect in my mind. Then I hit puberty and had to face up to the fact that he wasn't. He wasn't there for me or my mother when we needed him. I don't even know his name. I wonder now if he even knows I exist. Liz would do something like not tell a guy she was pregnant. It's hard when our parents turn out to be human and imperfect. Or worse, behave like they aren't human. In fact it sucks. We both just got lucky. You had your mom and Luke isn't so bad."  
  
"Yeah. That's true. But I still have to decide if I want to keep in contact with Chris. I don't feel that close to him. I only really think about him when he contacts me and I almost never contact him first. I was surprised he turned up at graduation. But on the other hand, cutting him out of my life cuts Georgia out too. And I don't want that. She's my sister no matter what. None of this mess is her fault and it's not fair to punish her for it." Rory had calmed down by now and sleepiness was rapidly reasserting itself.  
  
"You're a really good person, did you know that?"  
  
"People keep telling me that. I don't see it though."  
  
"How can you not? You're so smart and wise. You're a wonderful daughter and granddaughter. I don't think you've done one malicious thing in your life. Egging my car aside. Didn't think I knew about that did you?" Jess was deliberately teasing her, trying to lighten the mood.  
  
"How did you find out about that? And you make it sound like I'm perfect. I'm not. I have flaws just like anyone else."  
  
"I know that. You have a temper, even though it doesn't come out too often. You're too rational. You don't do anything impulsively. You fixate on things very easily. And you're addicted to coffee."  
  
That was enough of the flaw list. "Okay, bed time." Rory flopped back down, taking Jess with her. She was drained, emotionally and physically.  
  
"Good night Rory." Jess's arms around her felt warm and strong and *right*. All of a sudden Rory understood how her mother must have felt in high school with her dad. She wanted to stay like this forever, in this heavenly place where it was just her and Jess.  
  
"Thank you for listen to me." She was almost asleep but had to finish her thought. "I love you."  
  
The arms tightened around her and a whispered breath barely reached her ears. "I love you too."  
  
  
  
THE END 


End file.
